Thursday, December 15, 2016

Single Life

Would you tell me I'm lying if I say I've been single for almost 7 years now?

I have been in a real relationship just once in my whole life and the rests were just fling. Before I entered into this relationship thing I had so many crushes. I liked lots of guys because of their beauty, and when I say beauty, it means just their face. The sad thing about it, is that they did not like me for me because I was an ugly duckling, even until now, I guess this is the reason why I am still single haha jk. I had a huge crush on someone when I was in 2nd year high school (he was in 6th grade, but our gap is just one year considering I started schooling at the age of 2, lol.) One time, I asked my friends to take a photo of him using my phone so that I could look at his face every day for the rest of my life, I even asked them to get his number for me. See? He would never notice me if I did not make the first move.

Fast forward, we have gotten to know each other that much and I fell in love with him because of his sweetness. I got his picture printed out and hung it in my i.d. sling that's how I was crazy about him. All of my friends and his friends from high school knows how much I like him. In the middle of school year when he was in his 1st year and I was in my 3rd year our communication suddenly stopped. I wondered why, I asked so many schoolmates about him and then I found out that he was actually dating his batch mate. I was totally heartbroken or should I say devastated. One day, he communicated with me because the girl broke up with him and we got back together again but we were not in a relationship, I considered this as a fling. Since, I was very much into him, I happily accepted him back into my life. Senior year came, our communication again stopped I found out that he's dating some girl from another school which he visits almost every day in her house. Yes, I was very jealous. My heart was ripped into pieces. I knew I had to stop daydreaming about us because from the very beginning there was never an us.

College life, as I was about to completely moved on to what broke me. It didn't happen. Before the first semester ended, while I was checking my friendster account (yes we still uses friendster that time haha) someone posted something on my wall and when I checked it, it was him asking "how are you, nik?" I was full of joy and of course I immediately replied to him as soon as I got the message. Guess, I hadn't moved on. After 3 years of waiting for him we became official on Christmas Eve. I remember how buoyant I felt to be able to call him 'mine.' We were doing great, just great.

Until one day, all of my feelings just faded away because I realised I needed more actions than talks and maybe because of his clinginess and I could still remember everything he did when I was in high school. I also hated the way he compares me to this girl (his girlfriend now.) So, I broke up with him and he just lets me go without asking, just wow. That was the time I proved that we were/are not meant to be together. Months have passed and he still texts me asking how am I doing, I still replied to him but I could never allow him in my life anymore. Years have passed and he still texts me and usually asked my friends who am I dating. But no, I never entertained him anymore. It is true that when a glass is broken into pieces it will never get back to how it used to be, it might be mended but you will always see the cracks.

I guess that is the reason why I am very careful in choosing a partner. I don't want to feel heartache and rejection anymore. Yes, my standard is getting higher every year. I want to feel special, important and loved by someone. Someone, I can call home. Someone who does not give up easily. Someone who knows how to wait. Someone who does not just talk the talk but walk the walk. Someone who spoils me with surprises, like hello? If you are courting someone you should give your best shot to impress the girl. Owing to the fact that I am the kind of person who likes surprises and gifts. To my future partner, you need not to worry because I'd do the same for you.

As of now, I don't want to fall in love. I like being single. Yes I would love to have kids someday but if I couldn't find my ideal partner, I am good being partnerless. I have been independent for almost half of my life and I don't mind growing old alone. As for the reason that I already accepted the probability of becoming an old maiden.

PS: "I like being alone. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude."

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